Fine, Martins. No boring post about me, no hilarious elephant jokes, not even any political commentary (sorry, Eliot, I'm just too confused right now to do anything but make befuddled faces). Instead, I will just provide you with lunchtime hilarity through an inspiring Onion article. (Feel free to use this inspiration to brighten your afternoon through the recommended techniques. But don't bring it home. That would be creepy)

Live Every Day as if You're Dying of a Contagious Disease that Turns People You Bite into Zombies

Off to decide what I'm making for dinner tonight! (A soup, ummy!)