So I went to the doctor this morning. Paul, being the witness of panic attack #2, already knows the details, but my panicking has subsided so now I can blog for you (my primary job in life). (And contrary to popular opinion, my posts are NOT too long, they are nicely sized for your reading pleasure. 1754, if I posted smaller messages, that will only increase the amount of time I spend on the phone!)

Well I'm not dying, which wasn't what I was concerned about, but I thought that she would tell me I would be all better in a couple weeks (at the most)...but instead it was suggested that I think about taking the semester off, or at least dropping down to half-time status, since my head's probably not going to get better any time too soon. Her argument, when I protested, was that it would be better to graduate late than to fail this semester because I get worse/can't handle it or have to take all incompletes because I have to drop out later.

She wasn't meaning to be discouraging, just realistic, which I appreciate very much, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear, and I like it better sometimes when people just lie to me and tell me everything I want to hear. Sometimes I don't I guess, cause I would have figured out in a few weeks that she was lying, but it wasn't a fun morning. Plus it was real cold...the receptionists were wearing gloves -- I laughed at (with?) them on the way out.

So, now that my over-the-phone panicking is hopefully done for now, here are I guess my options for the semester:

1) Take ANOTHER leave-of-absence from school, pack up and go home and figure more stuff out there while I rest this beautiful lil' noggin-o'-mine.
(Take an earlier trip to Brazil? Study some more Hindi? I dunno.)
2) Cut down my classes in Washington and try to be cheerful about it.
(Learn Pashto on the side? I dunno.)
3) Keep a full schedule and try to slog through it all without giving up halfway through...well I know I wouldn't give up but I don't want to fail either. Or get through it with rather miserable-yet-not-failing grades, because I know I could do better than that.

I'm not sure what to do and I don't think I can decide at this point (right now I am at the rather distracted stage of my stress level)...hopefully soon I will be able to sit down and figure out what, rationally, is best, although I think I will need input from different people at this school for that; I don't think I can just decide it.

The doctor was also suggesting I look into being a patient in a trial over at the nat'l institute. I haven't looked yet at what they've got going on. But I'm tired of being sick. (That's not supposed to be read in a whiny voice, please. Just a tired one.) And I'm terrified of people touching my brain. They could sneeze or something and wow would I be messed up...although I suppose I'm already kinda messed up...maybe they could accidentally give me super-powers; I suppose that would be kinda neat. I don't know which super-powers I would want though. Hmm, I will have to give this more thought. I don't want to read people's minds cause what if they are thinking mean things about you or really dirty thoughts all the time, I don't want to know that. Spiderman's powers are pretty cool I suppose. I don't feel like being obligated to save people and fight evil all the time though, check it out, he can't even have a girlfriend really cause she will just get killed. I would have to keep mine pretty secret and be hired out on a "consulting" basis. Yeah. I bet I could make a bunch of money that way. Hmmm, this does deserve some more consideration.

Well anyways...not so exciting of a post but I'm getting over the panicky part for today and into the resignation part. Better I guess...

Sorry, no more poo stories right now, although the roommates i told about it (I have narrowed it down some) thought it was hilarious and have offered their 'services' to me at any time...ugh...it's getting as bad as 1754 in my house.